Four weeks ago, I never imagined the situation I’d be in today. I suppose that goes for basically all of us… but not all of us are living with not one, but two ex’s.
There are days that are fun and more often than not I’m feeling super grateful for the many many blessings in my life. But then there are days where the marriage that is no longer, creeps back and haunts me. No offense to my ex but I’m sure this will be somewhat offensive.
When you end a marriage, you hope that you are leaving the life that was full of fighting and negativity and sadness. The things that weren’t working get cashed out and put on the shelf or they die and get buried along with your Ketubah. The little things that used to annoy you. The conversations that you just kept hoping would come to an end so you didn’t have to listen to them anymore. The things about the person that pushed you away in the first place, that you were more than happy to move on from.
Well, 4 weeks ago all of that came back into my life in the shape of a suitcase, a backpack and a cooler filled with Amy’s soups and Canneloni beans when my ex moved back into the house we used to live in and parked himself in my basement for an indefinite amount of time.
Yes, we allowed it. It was ‘for the good of the kids’ as it always has been. We didn’t want them commuting back and forth to Brooklyn, being cooped up in a 2 bedroom apartment and my ex didn’t feel safe in his own building surrounded by neighbors with germs, non-OCD like he is and packages coming in and out of the building daily. Let alone the neighboring towns overpopulated and still getting together even when social distancing was highly recommended. (Picture Canarsie back in the day).
At first, it was my hubby who flocked to his office to find his alone time, his solace. I was here working out with my ex in my basement side by side, making breakfast for our kids and pushing them through homeschooling. All the while, not wanting to be doing any of this with my old partner and craving the company of my new one. But I understood that for his own sanity, his office was a better place for him to be.
Days later, we found out that my step-sons mom and her boyfriend had parted ways. I’ll skip the details but thinking of her alone in her apt while we were playing Modern family here was not sitting well. I also saw the benefit of her as a buffer – someone else for my ex to talk to about his stuff, since it was all stuff that I didn’t feel it was my place to be his sounding board. After all, he does have a wife for that. But oh yeah, she’s in Brooklyn, hanging in their apartment because she didn’t feel unsafe or feel the need to accompany him to his ex-wife’s house to escape the Corona-infested streets of Brooklyn. All I can picture when I think of her during this time is her dancing around her apartment with a broom in workout clothes, blasting music, doing her hair and painting her toes. Resentful… your damn fucking right I am. I feel she abandoned him and us during a time when family should stick together. I’ve always been the tie that binds and offered my home to her but she declined.
We welcomed my co-mom with open arms. And she’s been amazing. Taking over jobs in the house that quiet honestly I hate doing – like cleaning and laundry. Her job can not employ her during CoronaTime so she’s happy to chip in where needed…including dying my girls’ hair and providing blowouts and haircuts for the entire fam – ex included. She also loves walking, bike riding, arts and crafts and long walks. This sounds like an ad for any nice single men out there (kidding, not kidding)…and she can cook the shit out of an Easter dinner.
She too likes to escape the modern family every now and again. After just a week, she and her ex got into a small squabble and she retreated 2.5 miles back to her home for 24 hours. I begged her to stay, even sent my husband up with a cup of coffee as a peace offering and an apology. But she left anyway, only to return 24 hours later claiming – ‘she needed some alone time’. I told her, “I get it. I’m totally going to vacation at your place tomorrow while you all hang here and deal with homeschooling and meal planning.” We chuckled and cracked open a bottle of wine.
Fast forward 4 weeks later and we are not killing each other yet but my favorite lines of this week have been out of the mouth of my co-mom towards my ex:
‘Don’t YESsy Me’!!!
Or hearing my ex and my co-mom arguing on the couch over his music selection that he wants to hear – ‘You’re so selfish. Why do we have to listen to just what you want?’ As my hubby and I in the other room chuckle over the irony.
What went from them making each other cocktails and having fun together during week 1 – they are now like an old married couple 4 weeks later.
My co-mom every now and then continues to escape to her apartment each day for a few hours, claiming that our wifi in the house sucks. Yes it does but shit, I wish I had an escape pad to go to.
Shit. Some days I’ll call my hubby and tell him to hurry home (10 min commute to his office in town) for a quickie because the ex’s have taken all of the kids out for some exercise only to be interrupted moments later when one kid decides to turn back to use the bathroom or the ride ends early for no good reason whatsoever. FML! I just need some fucking alone time.
As a divorced couple, these are the benefits you get used to after 7 years of being single. OFF WEEKENDS! This full-time house full of kids and other parents is for the damn birds.
Everyone needs alone time. We’ve even considered reinstating drives to ‘lookout point’ or the town dock to get some nooky on in the car. Ok, fine, we are newlyweds but we need some lovin’ time too and when we’re in bed and we can hear my ex in the next room talking to my girls, it just kills the mood.
Stay tuned for more CoronaTime Chronicles of a Modern Family.
wthayley 