WT Honesty (in Parenting)

27 Apr


As parents, how often do we speak the truth about what goes on in our heads and behind closed doors.  Some live in towns where they don’t want to be labeled or judged by others so they keep the intimate details and personal thoughts all to themselves.  Me…. I’m an open book and although I do agree that my kids deserve the right to tell their own stories, until they are able, I will continue to be the mouthpiece sharing my (our) lives with the world.

In the essence of sharing, I thought it would be entertaining to highlight some of what I have personally been feeling this week about my awesome and not-so-awesome parenting moments.

On Monday, I wrote (posted on FB) about the kids off of school this week and how we should all try to take a moment and reset/enjoy some of the time with them rather than give into the stress of what it means to entertain or shuttle or occupy their time for the week – especially for those of us in our normal elements and not away on vacation.  In reflecting back on my life as a full-time working commuting mom, I realized or should I say I self-admitted that life was easier then during weeks like this one where I was working and not taking off.  I didn’t have to organize, plan and entertain.  I went to work and had an amazing nanny to do the dirty work.  In this realization, I also came to terms with the flip sides of that previous life.  Being a full-time, entrepreneur that works from home, life during a vacation week presents a whole new set of challenges.  Similar to the full-time, stay at home mom which is also a very difficult job, we have to balance these vacation days with work and responsibilities while trying to balance the kids’ schedules and the shuttling service.  I kept thinking, how the hell am I going to get any work done during the day?!?  And I felt tons of guilt for even feeling this way.

As I consider myself to be a master of time management, I still felt the pull of my kids wanting mommy time but knowing full well that mommy time means not mommy holding a cell phone, sitting at her laptop or with her head in her work.  So in putting my own challenge out to world on Monday, here’s where I am at 5 days into vacation.

I’ve accomplished and tried to squeeze a Life Lesson (LL) into each one:

  • Being fun mommy at least once a day for at least and hour or two.  LL: I’ve actually had a really fun time doing it.
  • Feeding kids cupcakes for breakfast (sorry Rabbi). LL: Even mommies crave sweet treats for breakfast but it feels better to start the day with a healthy choice.  The next day we had protein (Eggs and Bacon – sorry again Rabbi) for breakfast.
  • Playing dodgeball chasing them around the house. LL: Don’t shoot at the face. Don’t mess with a Navy Seal. They always win.
  • Giving in to dying their hair pink and purple (occupied about two – three hours and they were so excited the entire time that no energy or entertainment was needed on my part.  LL: hair color is temporary and can always wash out.  I told them both…. Don’t do anything to your hair or body that you can’t reverse – this is due to the fear my little one will want a real tattoo sooner than later.
  • Movie (Superhero) marathon all week long.  LL: Talked about how awesome girl superheroes are like Black Widow who can kick anyone’s ass. (I did use child appropriate language while explaining)

During vacation week, it’s ok to:

  • Feel the stress of the week and dread it
  • Still make time for yourself and your workout or manicure or whatever it is you do for yourself
  • Crave a cocktail before noon even if you’re not on a beach
  • Dump your kids on someone else for a few hours
  • Over-schedule them at back to back workshops or Unlimited Sports and then Parisi and then a play date
  • Hide:  I’m not really working, I’m in the basement avoiding you and your sister and your bickering about absolutely nothing

Here are a few things I’ve accepted this week:

  1. I’m a better mom after a workout.
  2. I’m more fun after two glasses of wine – this goes for non-vacation days as well.
  3. I could have handled many moments differently this week but we only have so much patience (I tend to think I have much less than most people).  I do make sure to apologize after I yell and explain how we both could have handled the situation differently.
  4. My kids are 6 and 8 and I need to accept that they don’t appreciate half the shit I do for them now but only hope they’ll appreciate it later in life.
  5. My kids like me a lot better when i’m a silly, goofy, funny, cool, non-mommy life figure.  Sorry kids, at the end of the day, I’m still your mother.

IMG_5700In a nutshell, being home during a vacation week is f’in hard and it’s ok to ride the rollercoaster of good mom, fun mom, mean mom, crazy mom, buzzed mom, happy mom and exhausted mom.   That’s what it’s all about, right?  We had kids so they could torture us like we tortured our parents but at the end of the day, those cute little animals make life a lot more fun and exciting and help us appreciate the little (and big) things in life that make us truly happy.

Enjoy the rest of your vacation week.


WT Insanity

14 Dec

 To write a personal blog or a business blog… that is the question.  Or make it applicable to both.  Since I started Foster Inc. a year ago, I’ve kept my business blog strictly on my business website.  WTHayley has always been my personal brain dump and the place where I can write about whatever I’m feeling and business associates and Clients won’t be offended.  Well, for the sake of this post, I am merging and if we do business together and read my previous personal blog posts and you’re offended… Sorry, NOT sorry.  I write from my heart and my gut and that’s just who I am and always will be.  

As the end of the year is quickly approaching and I emphasize quickly, people begin to freak out… And I’m not just taking about holiday shopping.  Many of us use the end of the year to reflect and think back on what the year was like.  Did I set out with a goal in mind? Did I reach that goal?  Did I want to lose weight, workout more? Eat healthier?  Save more money?  Whatever your goals were for this past year and whether or not you achieved them, chances are you will write many of the same ones down again for next year.  What we rarely do is analyze why we didn’t reach that goal, what road bumps slowed us down and what actually got in our way.  When you reflect, you can better plan and strategize for how to go about things differently next year so that we don’t make the same mistakes again.  As you know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again but expecting a different result.  Thanks Einstein. So, are you going to start 2016 off as an insane person or better equipped for success?

Wether or not you are thinking about your goals for 2016 from a business or life perspective – or hopefully both – below is what I have done (and I am still doing) to plan for the year ahead.  

  1. Grab a piece of paper and write down what your goals were for this past year – 2015.  
  2. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being SUCCESS, how would you rate yourself on each goal?  Be honest, “failure is the opportunity to begin again, onlybthisntime more intelligently.” (Henry Ford)
  3. What did you do/actions you took to be successful? 
  4. What didn’t you do that you should have done?
  5. What/who got in your way?
  6. What could you change moving forward?

Before you put pen to paper for your new 2016 goals, I want you to close your eyes, obviously when you’re done reading this entire post, and do this short visualization exercise.  We get so caught up in the things we want to do or not do, but don’t necessarily think about who we want to BE. 

  • Close your eyes
  • Take three deep breaths 
  • Ask yourself ‘who do I want to BE in 2016’
  • Picture yourself a year from now as that person you want to BE
  • As your future self, what did you need to DO to get yourself there – actually try to picture yourself going through those steps
  • Now that you’re there, what do you HAVE that you didn’t have before
  • Open your eyes -hopefully your smiling
  • Grab your pen and write down what you just saw – who you became this year and how you did it. 

To give you an easy example to follow, let’s talk about the person that starts the year off with the goals of working out and eating healthier.  Taking the BE approach, that persons goal should be that they want to ‘be more disciplined‘, in order to DO more workouts and cook healthier meals in order to HAVE a healthier lifestyle.  By also looking back on last year, they could probably conclude that the reason they failed was because X and Y got in the way.  Being disciplined and recognizing that discipline was what they needed each day, they may have avoided looking back with regret that they didn’t do a better job reaching those goals. 

When you think about what YOU want to BE in 2016, try to find a word, just ONE, that is all encompassing.  Underneath that word, you should be able to list the things you’ll need to DO so that you can HAVE…. 

As coach-like as this sounds (it’s sorting bothering me that it is so coach-like), it’s been tested and works. You can’t keep setting the same goals and doing the same things to reach them and expect success if you don’t change your plans and formulate new strategies.  Picture yourself as a success and you will be!

WT Boobs

6 Nov

I apologize for using the title to rope you into this post but it’s a good one and an important one.

I consider myself to be strong…. not just mentally and emotionally but thanks to Crossfit Port Washington, physically as well. No matter how strong we are, there are things that happen in life that knock us on our asses.  About 10 days ago, I received a phone call from my best friend telling me that her mammogram showed a lump in her breast and she needed to go back in for a biopsy.  A phone call like that puts life into perspective and gets you thinking.  Sadly, as women, chances are at some point in our lives we will all come in close contact, or even worse, be the bearer of those words “I’ve got cancer”.

Early detection saves lives and I am a firm believe in supporting any organization that is set up to help people detect cancer before it gets to the point of no return.  There have been way too many touch points in my life this past year with friends and friends’ family members that are dealing with cancer of some kind.  

On November 14, which happens to be my birthday and if you know me well you know that I am A HUGE birthday celebrator, I will be participating in a Crossfit event called Barbells for Boobs.  This non-profit organization is dedicated to raising money for early detection with an emphasis on men and women under the age of 40.   I competed in the event last year and was planning to skip it this year since it interfered with MY DAY but, after the phone call that knocked the wind out of me, I knew in my heart it was something I wanted to do…. not just for my best friend and others I know currently fighting the disease, but for everyone out there that is scared to get a mammogram or blows it off because they ‘don’t have time’.   

My plea to you is this….. if you read this post or my WTHair post and were entertained, then take 5 minutes and click the link below and donate to this incredible cause.  If everyone that read my last post donates just $10, I will double my fundraising goal.  If you are a close friend and were planning to buy me a birthday gift – DONT.  Instead, please donate whatever you were planning to pay for my gift to Barbells for Boobs.   If you buy me a gift, I will be angry with you.  I need nothing and this means the world to me.  

If you’d like to come down and support the CrossFit Port Washington team… on my birthday this coming Saturday 11/14 @ 9am … please come down (wear some PINK) and cheer us on at 41 Sintsink Drive East in Manhasset Aisle.  There will be food and drinks and someone better show up with a birthday cake for me.  :-)  Just sayin…

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Thank you for reading and for you donations.


With much gratitude and love,

WT Hayley

PS – My best friends’ biopsy was clear.  Thank G-d.

WT Hair

3 Nov

I’ve been meaning to write a WTHayley post for months now and over the last few weeks, I have had so many people comment on my hair color and curls that I figured I would write a post to share my hair secrets and hair history with the blogosphere (I still can’t believe that’s actually a word).

I’ve gone through my stages of terrible hair (some might use words that aren’t as nice)  – frizz, multiple bottles of Sun-In, 80’s, 90’s…. you name it, I’ve had it.  Growing up with curly hair was torture and ironically, the street I grew up on was…. Curley Street.


According to my parents, I was a late bloomer when it came to hair growth (which I suppose runs in the family since my youngest, also with curls, still has short hair at the age of 6 because it just refuses to grow).   1930538_34869583265_8272_n

My mother, when I was about 6, must have gotten fed up and heard some old wives tale that the shorter you cut it, the quicker it will grow.  NOT TRUE!!! I ended up looking like this(Image on the left).  Full on JEW-FRO.  Thanks mom.  Not that her spaceship hair cut looked much better and my poor brother always trying to brush his curls out as a kid and ending up with a Princess Leah look.  The best part was, although my mom was a hairdresser, she refused to cut my hair herself knowing full well that I would never speak to her again so she took me a few houses down to her friend Betty who did the deed for her.  I’m not even sure if Betty was a beautician.

It took years before my hair grew back to a normal length and I’m not even sure there were any photos taken during those years.  As the second child, my parents tried to prove their were photos  of me (which equated to them telling me ‘we loved you just as much as your brother even though there are 14 albums of him and none of you) but they happen to all be on slides – apparently all the rage during the late 70’s and early 80’s.  When I questioned them years later, they would try to make me feel better by holding ‘projector night’ where we’d take the little square slides, hold them up the light and look at these tiny 2×2 images that you could barely even make out a person, let alone colors or details.

(Left Image below taken at Timber Lake Camp…. hair still trying to grow and not quite sure what to do with it.  Photo with mom taken at the camp bus stop a few years later during the 70’s Farrah Fawcett phenomenon with the flipped back sides – super cool with Cabbage Patch Kid to match)










As for this image below of me going to my Jr. High Prom – Stag (not surprising) has been the butt of many jokes over the years and rightfully so.  There are no words. My fiancé keeps this picture posted next to his computer just as a reminder of how far I’ve come… although he says it’s just there to make him smile (or die laughing, depending on his mood).

Best Hair Ever

THE LATE 80’s:  When the 80’s rolled around and perms were all the rage, I thought it would be cool if I permed my hair too.  So I bought a home kit, thinking I might have inherited some of my mothers skills, which I quickly learned are not genetic and are actually something you need to go to school for.  Needless to say, my home kit enabled me to get a little bit of a tighter curl allowing the AquaNet to fully do it’s duty.  I won the hair height contest hands down.  Just a little spray and then the… ‘can you blow on this’ to my BFF’s while I held my bangs 5 inches above my head… totally did the trick.

(Right Image: My brother fully learned to embrace his curls after moving out west in 1990 to San Diego and living the surfer life)

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THE 90’s:  After my freshman year in college, dead ends, weird color still growing out, and trying to get rid of the awful bangs (see image above with brother), I decided over the summer to CHOP my hair off and go back to my natural color.  The short hair was fun and cute for a while.  When I got back to school Sophomore year, nobody recognized me…. not even my own boyfriend at the time.

Screen Shot 2015-11-03 at 10.44.34 PM

Graduation, moving into NYC and getting my first corporate job, along with an extra 20lbs (I missed out on the Freshman 15 and just put it all on after college with the NYC carb-load-can’t-afford-real-food diet of bagels, pizza and pasta), I went for a new reddish/purple/dark look.  (Due to excessive weight gain, photos have been torched).   A few years in, I discovered highlights – just a few hits here and there.  I stuck with my girl for many years and was happy until about 2 years ago when I finally discovered what true happiness was.

THE COLOR:  My best friend(see image below), who I should disown for the price alone, introduced me to Nicole Tresch at the Rita Hazan Salon.  This woman is a gift to hair and a color genius.  After the first appointment, I was hooked and haven’t looked back.  She is truly amazing and every time I leave there, I am over the moon at how much I love the color of my hair.  It changes from lighter to darker depending on the time of the year and mood the day of my appointment but all in all, I love it every single time.  The upkeep is a royal pain in my ass but well worth it.


THE CUT:  I have used many people over the years to cut my curls but at the end of the day, Sean James at Rita Hazan is THE MAN.  He makes it a point to bring his scissors in contact with every single strand of hair on your head.  I kid you not (and it takes a very long time)…. but the end result, amazing.  He also is a styling genius when it comes to dolling you up for events (image above Wedding Glam Shot taken at 2am after a night of partying – hair still looking fab).


THE CURL: Now to the important part…. CURL management.  You name a curly hair product and trust me, I’ve tried it.  I’ve had my luck with a few things over the years but my newest obsession is this…. Ouidad Whipped Curls.  It tames, it holds, it lasts, it keeps it soft and bouncy and not weighed down.



THE PROCESS:  Here’s my advice for curly hair… we are going to have good days and we are going to have bad days… same as everyone else.  However, our bad days are worse than those straight hair bad days. When it comes to curls, you just need to figure out what it takes to makes your curls behave the way you want them to.  Here are some of the questions and then I’ll tell you my answers.

Shampoo and Condition?

Leave in Conditioner or Wash it out?

To Brush or not to Brush?

Keep wrapped until ready to dry or let it air dry then blowdry or just air dry?

Mouse or Gel? And How much?

Regular Blowdryer or Diffuser?

MY PROCESS: I shampoo and put in a half-dollar size of Ouidad Whipping Curls in the shower and pull my fingers through the curls.  I scrunch the water out of them with my head upside down and then immediately get out of the shower and wrap it in a towel.  The towel stay on until I am ready to blowdry.  I put in John Frieda Frizz-Ease Curl Reviver Styling Mouse and dry immediately with a diffuser with my head upside down.  I scrunch but don’t run my fingers through it.  When it’s just about completely dry, I flip my head up, apply direct head to the front pieces to get it out of my face and then use Aussie Sprunch to hold it in place.  The result… manageable curls that last pretty much the whole day.

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Other products I have had luck with…. Nexxus Humectress (which I use as a leave-in conditioner), Pantene Curly Hair Mouse, Paul Mitchell Mouse (not sure if the one I used is even still around).  I hope that this is helpful and entertaining.  Please feel free to reach out with any questions you may have.  If you don’t have curly hair and read all the way to the end…. thank you for being a fan.




26 Jun

We’ve started a new tradition at home that you may have seen posted on social media: Thankful Saturday’s. As a family of divorce, while the weekends with no kids are great, there is nothing better than the 5 of us all getting together around the table or counter on a Saturday morning and starting the weekend with what we are all thankful for.  

Last weekend, it was Marleys turn to go and she paused and took a deep breath while thinking. Then she turned to me and said ‘Mommy, how much does sleep away camp cost?’ To which I responded, Marley, you have no idea how thankful you should be for the summer you are about to endure.  
Tomorrow morning, my baby gets on the bus for seven weeks away. Over the last few weeks I’ve been telling her about all the things she’s going to experience at camp – the decisions she will be able to make without me telling her what to do, the friends she’s going to make from the minute she steps on the bus, the experiences she will have that she will never forget and all the amazing things that are still so vividly clear to me after not having been at camp for 30 years.  
Sitting here tonight I am so thankful for the summers that I was able to spend away at Timber Lake and all of what it brought to my life. I always say that I am the person I am because of the experiences I had as a kid at Summer camp.  

So here is my list (which could go on forever) of things for my daughter that I am, and she should be, thankful for this summer and every summer hereafter that she gets to spend at Timberlake: 

Cold mountain air and slimy lakes

Bug juice, jax, and griddle cakes.

Mess hall chants and the girls HC,
Waking each morning to Revile. 

Canteen, colorwar and Ron Degon
Rainy day movies with your PJ’s on.

Visiting day and a huge water balloon fight,
Campfire songs and raiding bunks at night. 

Catching salamanders in the stream
Passing inspection with a bunk so clean.

Razzes, sing night and Intercamp games
Yelling at Ropeburn to increase the flames.

The far far field and the tushy house
When JJ talks, it’s as quiet as a mouse.

The Gordon cup and hiking the north dome 
Getting a slip to make a call to home.

Murals and alma maters up on the wall
Arm and arm with friends and having a ball. 

Friendships you’ll make and have forever
Memories and good times that will last forever. 

Green and white always true
Timber Lake, we love you. 

WT Divorce

1 Oct

WT Divorce.

WT Divorce

1 Oct


This morning I received an invitation to my ex-husbands wedding.  Yes, you read that right.  My ex and his fiance have invited my boyfriend and I (as well as my brother and his wife) to his upcoming wedding.  When I opened the invite, I felt a pang in my stomach.  It wasn’t sadness or jealousy.  It was happiness and a sense of pride.  Happiness because I truly am happy for him that he has found someone(and an awesome someone at that) and pride because I am so proud of both of us for the way we have handled our separation and divorce since the very beginning.  Not many people can or ever will be able to say what I just told you.  We are not normal but one thing we both are, is HAPPY.

After two and half years, our divorce became final in May.  Although we mediated, the process still takes forever. When we began the process, we thought that because we weren’t going to fight each other, it would be quick. But, no matter what the situation, it is impossible for it to take less than a year.  If you’ve done it, good for you and please share your secret because I have yet to meet anyone that’s gotten through it quickly.  Over the last two and a half years, I’ve had countless people commend me (and my ex) on the relationship we have with each other.  The day the papers arrived from the courts, my ex stopped by my office so that we could share the moment together. You might think that’s weird but for us, it’s the way we chose to handle things from the beginning. There were fights, screaming matches, throwing things and people threatening to quit but at the end of it all, I learned a tremendous amount about myself, my ex and about making it less painful than it needs to be.   So, whether you are miserably married and feel stuck, seriously contemplating divorce or in the midst of your proceedings, keep reading.

To Divorce or Not To Divorce? That is the question and the one with the hardest answer. Just like having a baby, you don’t really know what you’re in for until you’re in it. If you have a good man but he’s just annoying and pisses you off time and time again, figure out a way to work on it. If you’ve still got that lovin’ feeling somewhere deep deep inside you then find the things you fell in love with at the beginning and try to get them back… together. It takes two. On the flip side, if you fall into any of these then it might be time to call the attorney:

  • you are oil and he is water
  • he/she flat out sucks and you are at the point of hating each other
  • the slightest things annoy the shit out of you – like the way he/she breathes
  • you’re getting angry at each other just for sneezing
  • you spend moments of your day thinking about ways to kill the other person if you could get away with it

So, if you’ve settled on getting out, the insights below just might help you and your ex to keep things civil.

Lawyers v. Mediators.  There is a huge difference here – hundreds of thousands of dollars in difference.  If you can’t be in the same room together and can’t stand to look at each other, a mediator will most likely not want to deal with you.  However, if you can mediate, I highly recommend it.  It’s not an easy process but it’s worth the money.  Either way, divorce isn’t cheap and at the end of all the back and forth, you will both be down at least $50 – $100k – money which could go towards your kids and other things.  If you go the lawyer route, and no offense to any divorce lawyers reading this, their job is to fight for you and fight hard.  They will talk you into things that they think you deserve and only make you more angry at what he ‘isn’t’ offering you.  The more they fight, the more they make.  Bottom line, you may not win, but either way, your lawyer will.

It’s ALL About The Kids. If you share children, your ex will never truly be out of your life so why not try to keep things civil. You will always have to speak to each other regarding your offspring so try to speak kindly and if you can’t find nice words, just send a text and let them take it however they want to take it.  If in the company of your children, try not to completely ignore each other or be nasty to each other… what lesson are you teaching your children if you can’t even speak to the person they love as their mother or father.

Cha-cha-cha-Changes. NOT! What you hated about your ex while you were together will still be the things you hate when you are divorced because people don’t change (and I fully include myself in this comment.  I am still guilty of doing all the things that pissed him off when we were married).  Take comfort in knowing that they have not changed and never will but a new person might bring out a better side of them…. and you need to just deal with it.

Moo000lah. During the process it all becomes about the money even if you go in trying not to focus on that. Don’t be selfish, at the end of the day, it should only be about the kids. If you left her because you don’t love her or found someone else, don’t skimp out on alimony and child support. If you left him for the same reason, don’t ask for what’s NOT yours. Just do right by each other or every month you will have a bad taste in your mouth.

Hugs. At the end of a fight or mediation session, hug it out no matter how angry you are, how much you want to kill each other or how sick the other person makes you feel. As silly as it sounds, it changes your emotional state and you can leave a little less bitter. (I know a lot of people are saying there is no fucking way this one is gonna happen). Trust me, it makes a difference and in hindsight, I’m thankful that he made me do this every time.  When we signed our papers, a hug wasn’t enough so we went for a cocktail, took a picture, friended each other on Facebook for 5 minutes, shared the picture and then unfriended each other.  You don’t need to be friends on Facebook – as much as we like each other, there is absolutely NO need.

Sharing is Caring.  You made babies together, one of you probably will have more time with them than the other, which leaves one of you missing out on day to day things. Send a picture of your kid on the first day of school or in a new cute outfit or send a message about something funny that happened.  You’ll appreciate the pictures or the messages when the roles are reversed.   And if you can handle it, try to share a meal together once in a while…. for the sake of the kids.  But, again, don’t be friends on Facebook.

Consideration. If you have a new love in your life and your ex doesn’t, try to put yourself in their shoes and think how you might react to certain situations like bed sharing, attending the kids events together or decision making. Tread lightly. You may be on the opposite side one day and wish they considered your feelings.  And remember, don’t be friends on Facebook.

Moving On. Don’t rush the next relationship. So many people have asked me where they should be looking for men to date or get back in the game(Tinder, POF, Hinge, Ashley Madison… that last one might be why you’re getting divorced). I’m not saying don’t get out there. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. (I wish I could credit the person that told me that because it’s a great line – feel free to use it). Enjoy your time alone and find yourself again. Chances are you got lost somewhere between marriage and kids, homework and soccer games. Take the time to find whatever it is you lost. It will set the stage for your happiness in your next relationship.

Be happy. For goodness sake you got divorced because you were miserable or he was miserable or you were both miserable.  Find your happy place and wrap your arms around it because no matter how old you are, you have time to find an amazing partner to spend the rest of your life with and not make the same mistakes you made the first time.  And if you have kids, one of the perks is your off time.  I’m sorry, it might sound sad, but when you’re single and working or lunching or whatever it is you do, every other weekend ‘off duty’ allows for ‘you-time’ and time with your new person.

My ex and I have both moved on.  We are both blissfully happy.  We found new partners that are not only amazing, but respect our relationship and support it.  We spend time together(yes, all 4 of us) with the kids and sometimes randomly run into each other at concerts or parties, at which his new partner and I can be found laughing and having a blast on the dance floor… together.  It’s not normal but it works and not only are WE better for it, but our kids will be better for it as well.



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