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Hiding In My Car

20 Apr

My friends… this shit is hard.  Really really hard.  If you watched on Wednesday when I sat in my car with my laptop and wine and sounded a bit delirious… that was me being delirious….  Feeling delirious at times and happy at other times.  I went to my car to escape everyone in my house, including my kids, and you know what, it’s all fucking good.   Sometimes we just need a place to hide.  And so, I went to my car, with my laptop, my phone and a big ass glass of Prosecco and I had a great 30 minute Facebook Live CoronaTime Talk with my favorite guest… MYSELF. 

I skipped Thursday’s CoronaTime talk because my co-mom, who truly happens to be my saving grace at the moment, needed some 1on1 Fostering time to talk about life.  Priorities. Yes, she’s a priority for me, as weird as that might be to some, I have come to really love, right down to my core, my step-son’s mom.  After all, she gave birth to that little nugget that I sometimes want to kill, but we are more on the same page of parenting than I every imagined.  And she can drink me under the table with her wine consumption, which she proved that night of our talk.

Friday was a long ass day of working with my brother’s company and juggling the KN95 masks that were supposed to already have shipped from China but our friends at Apple are bumping everyone off cargo space for a new product launch.  As if anyone needs a new Apple product right now. Wtf.

My brother’s amazing team was finally able to book the shipping but at twice the price.  Which will lead to another issue to juggle here today – telling people the price has gone up.  All things that are keeping me incredibly busy but I chose this.  I chose to work with him and I and grateful he gave me the opportunity to work with his company that is doing amazing things and in return, it’s helping to support my family as well.

Working and keeping busy is my happy place.  Busy people like to be busy or we lose our minds.  Helping and serving others is what lifts me up, makes me happy, feels good – it’s my natural high.  Throw a few glasses of wine in there and it’s a party!

During this downtime, and I mean down downtime… we are down. We are hearing terrible things day in and day out.  We are stuck at home feeling isolated and many are alone and feeling lonely.  It’s hard.  It’s scary.  It sucks.

It’s so important during this downtime to find the things that make you happy.  Bring you joy.  Bring you peace.  What are those things?   Write them on a sticky note so when you’re feeling crappy, you have something visible to remind you what makes you happy. And then DO THEM in whatever fashion you can.

Here’s my other piece of advice.  If you’re feeling down, don’t call the other people you know that are probably also feeling down. Call the people that lift you up, that make you feel better, bring you joy and happiness.  Those are the people to talk to.  Not the negative ones that will commiserate and will just make you feel even worse.  Make a list of those people too.  Put them on your Do Not Call List.

Call me. I’ll try to make you laugh. I’ll tell you a funny.  I’ll share the good the bad and the ugly like I did the other day in my car.  If you missed it, you can watch it here: – Posted on 4/15.

Stay safe.  Stay healthy.  Stay sane.

WT Divorce

11 Jul

A good read is always a good read.  This one is worth sharing again and again.  Everyday new couples go down that dark path of divorce and it takes someone that has been there and done that to open your eyes to what can and should lie ahead.   Enjoy.

Source: WT Divorce

WT Insanity

14 Dec

 To write a personal blog or a business blog… that is the question.  Or make it applicable to both.  Since I started Foster Inc. a year ago, I’ve kept my business blog strictly on my business website.  WTHayley has always been my personal brain dump and the place where I can write about whatever I’m feeling and business associates and Clients won’t be offended.  Well, for the sake of this post, I am merging and if we do business together and read my previous personal blog posts and you’re offended… Sorry, NOT sorry.  I write from my heart and my gut and that’s just who I am and always will be.  

As the end of the year is quickly approaching and I emphasize quickly, people begin to freak out… And I’m not just taking about holiday shopping.  Many of us use the end of the year to reflect and think back on what the year was like.  Did I set out with a goal in mind? Did I reach that goal?  Did I want to lose weight, workout more? Eat healthier?  Save more money?  Whatever your goals were for this past year and whether or not you achieved them, chances are you will write many of the same ones down again for next year.  What we rarely do is analyze why we didn’t reach that goal, what road bumps slowed us down and what actually got in our way.  When you reflect, you can better plan and strategize for how to go about things differently next year so that we don’t make the same mistakes again.  As you know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again but expecting a different result.  Thanks Einstein. So, are you going to start 2016 off as an insane person or better equipped for success?

Wether or not you are thinking about your goals for 2016 from a business or life perspective – or hopefully both – below is what I have done (and I am still doing) to plan for the year ahead.  

  1. Grab a piece of paper and write down what your goals were for this past year – 2015.  
  2. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being SUCCESS, how would you rate yourself on each goal?  Be honest, “failure is the opportunity to begin again, onlybthisntime more intelligently.” (Henry Ford)
  3. What did you do/actions you took to be successful? 
  4. What didn’t you do that you should have done?
  5. What/who got in your way?
  6. What could you change moving forward?

Before you put pen to paper for your new 2016 goals, I want you to close your eyes, obviously when you’re done reading this entire post, and do this short visualization exercise.  We get so caught up in the things we want to do or not do, but don’t necessarily think about who we want to BE. 

  • Close your eyes
  • Take three deep breaths 
  • Ask yourself ‘who do I want to BE in 2016’
  • Picture yourself a year from now as that person you want to BE
  • As your future self, what did you need to DO to get yourself there – actually try to picture yourself going through those steps
  • Now that you’re there, what do you HAVE that you didn’t have before
  • Open your eyes -hopefully your smiling
  • Grab your pen and write down what you just saw – who you became this year and how you did it. 

To give you an easy example to follow, let’s talk about the person that starts the year off with the goals of working out and eating healthier.  Taking the BE approach, that persons goal should be that they want to ‘be more disciplined‘, in order to DO more workouts and cook healthier meals in order to HAVE a healthier lifestyle.  By also looking back on last year, they could probably conclude that the reason they failed was because X and Y got in the way.  Being disciplined and recognizing that discipline was what they needed each day, they may have avoided looking back with regret that they didn’t do a better job reaching those goals. 

When you think about what YOU want to BE in 2016, try to find a word, just ONE, that is all encompassing.  Underneath that word, you should be able to list the things you’ll need to DO so that you can HAVE…. 

As coach-like as this sounds (it’s sorting bothering me that it is so coach-like), it’s been tested and works. You can’t keep setting the same goals and doing the same things to reach them and expect success if you don’t change your plans and formulate new strategies.  Picture yourself as a success and you will be!

WT Boobs

6 Nov

I apologize for using the title to rope you into this post but it’s a good one and an important one.

I consider myself to be strong…. not just mentally and emotionally but thanks to Crossfit Port Washington, physically as well. No matter how strong we are, there are things that happen in life that knock us on our asses.  About 10 days ago, I received a phone call from my best friend telling me that her mammogram showed a lump in her breast and she needed to go back in for a biopsy.  A phone call like that puts life into perspective and gets you thinking.  Sadly, as women, chances are at some point in our lives we will all come in close contact, or even worse, be the bearer of those words “I’ve got cancer”.

Early detection saves lives and I am a firm believe in supporting any organization that is set up to help people detect cancer before it gets to the point of no return.  There have been way too many touch points in my life this past year with friends and friends’ family members that are dealing with cancer of some kind.  

On November 14, which happens to be my birthday and if you know me well you know that I am A HUGE birthday celebrator, I will be participating in a Crossfit event called Barbells for Boobs.  This non-profit organization is dedicated to raising money for early detection with an emphasis on men and women under the age of 40.   I competed in the event last year and was planning to skip it this year since it interfered with MY DAY but, after the phone call that knocked the wind out of me, I knew in my heart it was something I wanted to do…. not just for my best friend and others I know currently fighting the disease, but for everyone out there that is scared to get a mammogram or blows it off because they ‘don’t have time’.   

My plea to you is this….. if you read this post or my WTHair post and were entertained, then take 5 minutes and click the link below and donate to this incredible cause.  If everyone that read my last post donates just $10, I will double my fundraising goal.  If you are a close friend and were planning to buy me a birthday gift – DONT.  Instead, please donate whatever you were planning to pay for my gift to Barbells for Boobs.   If you buy me a gift, I will be angry with you.  I need nothing and this means the world to me.  

If you’d like to come down and support the CrossFit Port Washington team… on my birthday this coming Saturday 11/14 @ 9am … please come down (wear some PINK) and cheer us on at 41 Sintsink Drive East in Manhasset Aisle.  There will be food and drinks and someone better show up with a birthday cake for me.  🙂  Just sayin…

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Thank you for reading and for you donations.

With much gratitude and love,

WT Hayley

PS – My best friends’ biopsy was clear.  Thank G-d.

WT Hair

3 Nov

I’ve been meaning to write a WTHayley post for months now and over the last few weeks, I have had so many people comment on my hair color and curls that I figured I would write a post to share my hair secrets and hair history with the blogosphere (I still can’t believe that’s actually a word).

I’ve gone through my stages of terrible hair (some might use words that aren’t as nice)  – frizz, multiple bottles of Sun-In, 80’s, 90’s…. you name it, I’ve had it.  Growing up with curly hair was torture and ironically, the street I grew up on was…. Curley Street.


According to my parents, I was a late bloomer when it came to hair growth (which I suppose runs in the family since my youngest, also with curls, still has short hair at the age of 6 because it just refuses to grow).   1930538_34869583265_8272_n

My mother, when I was about 6, must have gotten fed up and heard some old wives tale that the shorter you cut it, the quicker it will grow.  NOT TRUE!!! I ended up looking like this(Image on the left).  Full on JEW-FRO.  Thanks mom.  Not that her spaceship hair cut looked much better and my poor brother always trying to brush his curls out as a kid and ending up with a Princess Leah look.  The best part was, although my mom was a hairdresser, she refused to cut my hair herself knowing full well that I would never speak to her again so she took me a few houses down to her friend Betty who did the deed for her.  I’m not even sure if Betty was a beautician.

It took years before my hair grew back to a normal length and I’m not even sure there were any photos taken during those years.  As the second child, my parents tried to prove their were photos  of me (which equated to them telling me ‘we loved you just as much as your brother even though there are 14 albums of him and none of you) but they happen to all be on slides – apparently all the rage during the late 70’s and early 80’s.  When I questioned them years later, they would try to make me feel better by holding ‘projector night’ where we’d take the little square slides, hold them up the light and look at these tiny 2×2 images that you could barely even make out a person, let alone colors or details.

(Left Image below taken at Timber Lake Camp…. hair still trying to grow and not quite sure what to do with it.  Photo with mom taken at the camp bus stop a few years later during the 70’s Farrah Fawcett phenomenon with the flipped back sides – super cool with Cabbage Patch Kid to match)










As for this image below of me going to my Jr. High Prom – Stag (not surprising) has been the butt of many jokes over the years and rightfully so.  There are no words. My fiancé keeps this picture posted next to his computer just as a reminder of how far I’ve come… although he says it’s just there to make him smile (or die laughing, depending on his mood).

Best Hair Ever

THE LATE 80’s:  When the 80’s rolled around and perms were all the rage, I thought it would be cool if I permed my hair too.  So I bought a home kit, thinking I might have inherited some of my mothers skills, which I quickly learned are not genetic and are actually something you need to go to school for.  Needless to say, my home kit enabled me to get a little bit of a tighter curl allowing the AquaNet to fully do it’s duty.  I won the hair height contest hands down.  Just a little spray and then the… ‘can you blow on this’ to my BFF’s while I held my bangs 5 inches above my head… totally did the trick.

(Right Image: My brother fully learned to embrace his curls after moving out west in 1990 to San Diego and living the surfer life)

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THE 90’s:  After my freshman year in college, dead ends, weird color still growing out, and trying to get rid of the awful bangs (see image above with brother), I decided over the summer to CHOP my hair off and go back to my natural color.  The short hair was fun and cute for a while.  When I got back to school Sophomore year, nobody recognized me…. not even my own boyfriend at the time.

Screen Shot 2015-11-03 at 10.44.34 PM

Graduation, moving into NYC and getting my first corporate job, along with an extra 20lbs (I missed out on the Freshman 15 and just put it all on after college with the NYC carb-load-can’t-afford-real-food diet of bagels, pizza and pasta), I went for a new reddish/purple/dark look.  (Due to excessive weight gain, photos have been torched).   A few years in, I discovered highlights – just a few hits here and there.  I stuck with my girl for many years and was happy until about 2 years ago when I finally discovered what true happiness was.

THE COLOR:  My best friend(see image below), who I should disown for the price alone, introduced me to Nicole Tresch at the Rita Hazan Salon.  This woman is a gift to hair and a color genius.  After the first appointment, I was hooked and haven’t looked back.  She is truly amazing and every time I leave there, I am over the moon at how much I love the color of my hair.  It changes from lighter to darker depending on the time of the year and mood the day of my appointment but all in all, I love it every single time.  The upkeep is a royal pain in my ass but well worth it.


THE CUT:  I have used many people over the years to cut my curls but at the end of the day, Sean James at Rita Hazan is THE MAN.  He makes it a point to bring his scissors in contact with every single strand of hair on your head.  I kid you not (and it takes a very long time)…. but the end result, amazing.  He also is a styling genius when it comes to dolling you up for events (image above Wedding Glam Shot taken at 2am after a night of partying – hair still looking fab).


THE CURL: Now to the important part…. CURL management.  You name a curly hair product and trust me, I’ve tried it.  I’ve had my luck with a few things over the years but my newest obsession is this…. Ouidad Whipped Curls.  It tames, it holds, it lasts, it keeps it soft and bouncy and not weighed down.



THE PROCESS:  Here’s my advice for curly hair… we are going to have good days and we are going to have bad days… same as everyone else.  However, our bad days are worse than those straight hair bad days. When it comes to curls, you just need to figure out what it takes to makes your curls behave the way you want them to.  Here are some of the questions and then I’ll tell you my answers.

Shampoo and Condition?

Leave in Conditioner or Wash it out?

To Brush or not to Brush?

Keep wrapped until ready to dry or let it air dry then blowdry or just air dry?

Mouse or Gel? And How much?

Regular Blowdryer or Diffuser?

MY PROCESS: I shampoo and put in a half-dollar size of Ouidad Whipping Curls in the shower and pull my fingers through the curls.  I scrunch the water out of them with my head upside down and then immediately get out of the shower and wrap it in a towel.  The towel stay on until I am ready to blowdry.  I put in John Frieda Frizz-Ease Curl Reviver Styling Mouse and dry immediately with a diffuser with my head upside down.  I scrunch but don’t run my fingers through it.  When it’s just about completely dry, I flip my head up, apply direct head to the front pieces to get it out of my face and then use Aussie Sprunch to hold it in place.  The result… manageable curls that last pretty much the whole day.

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Other products I have had luck with…. Nexxus Humectress (which I use as a leave-in conditioner), Pantene Curly Hair Mouse, Paul Mitchell Mouse (not sure if the one I used is even still around).  I hope that this is helpful and entertaining.  Please feel free to reach out with any questions you may have.  If you don’t have curly hair and read all the way to the end…. thank you for being a fan.




26 Jun

We’ve started a new tradition at home that you may have seen posted on social media: Thankful Saturday’s. As a family of divorce, while the weekends with no kids are great, there is nothing better than the 5 of us all getting together around the table or counter on a Saturday morning and starting the weekend with what we are all thankful for.  

Last weekend, it was Marleys turn to go and she paused and took a deep breath while thinking. Then she turned to me and said ‘Mommy, how much does sleep away camp cost?’ To which I responded, Marley, you have no idea how thankful you should be for the summer you are about to endure.  
Tomorrow morning, my baby gets on the bus for seven weeks away. Over the last few weeks I’ve been telling her about all the things she’s going to experience at camp – the decisions she will be able to make without me telling her what to do, the friends she’s going to make from the minute she steps on the bus, the experiences she will have that she will never forget and all the amazing things that are still so vividly clear to me after not having been at camp for 30 years.  
Sitting here tonight I am so thankful for the summers that I was able to spend away at Timber Lake and all of what it brought to my life. I always say that I am the person I am because of the experiences I had as a kid at Summer camp.  

So here is my list (which could go on forever) of things for my daughter that I am, and she should be, thankful for this summer and every summer hereafter that she gets to spend at Timberlake: 

Cold mountain air and slimy lakes

Bug juice, jax, and griddle cakes.

Mess hall chants and the girls HC,
Waking each morning to Revile. 

Canteen, colorwar and Ron Degon
Rainy day movies with your PJ’s on.

Visiting day and a huge water balloon fight,
Campfire songs and raiding bunks at night. 

Catching salamanders in the stream
Passing inspection with a bunk so clean.

Razzes, sing night and Intercamp games
Yelling at Ropeburn to increase the flames.

The far far field and the tushy house
When JJ talks, it’s as quiet as a mouse.

The Gordon cup and hiking the north dome 
Getting a slip to make a call to home.

Murals and alma maters up on the wall
Arm and arm with friends and having a ball. 

Friendships you’ll make and have forever
Memories and good times that will last forever. 

Green and white always true
Timber Lake, we love you. 

WT Headcold

25 Dec

Many of my friends are currently laid up in bed suffering from some type of head cold, flu like symptoms or the misery of a stuffy nose and cough. After I posted comments on Facebook the other day about kicking the crap out of my cold in 24 hours, people have asked for my remedy. While I can’t guarantee it will help you all, I’m posting it for those that will do what it takes to get better as quickly as possible.
These are not in order of importance.
1. Mind over Matter. I’m a big believer that the mind is a powerful tool. I spend the first day of my cold in complete denial that I’m sick. It helps to keep repeating ‘I am not sick’ over and over and over again. Don’t just tell yourself, tell everyone around you. If that doesn’t work, keep reading.
2. Nasal Spray. I grew up in a house where my mother and brother were both addicted to Afrin. There was never a shortage of nose spray in any room you walked into. Why my dad didn’t take stock in this company is beyond me. Opening up the nasal passage is the first step to eliminating that feeling like your head is going to explode. My new fav is Sinex. Two squirts in each nostril and you feel like new.
3. Meds. I am not a fan of drugs. I believe that once you start them, your body gives up the fight because the drugs take over and extends the length of your cold. However, if you feel you must, Advil Cold and Sinus works pretty well.
4. Fluids. This is most important and you may not like what I’m about to say. You need to do ALL of the below.
Morning – EmergenC followed by a Fruit Juice with a boost. Like Naked or some other no sugar added, high in vitamins type of smoothie. Jamba Juice with an immunity boost is highly recommended but if you don’t have access, improvise.
Afternoon – cup of chamomile or black tea with two teaspoons of honey. Followed an hour or so later with a vitamin water zero – there is a flavor that includes Vitamin C.
Nighttime – another cup if tea with 2 teaspoons of honey.
Before bed – one mug full of Tropicana OJ. Here’s the kicker – heat it up in the microwave for 1 min. I know it sounds gross but this is what kicks the cold out. Trust me.
5. Food. The age old saying – feed a cold and starve a fever is true. You don’t have to pig out but high calorie and high vitamin means are key. Even though you can’t taste them, these are a few things you should include in your cold diet: chicken noodle soup with spinach, grilled cheese on whole wheat toast with a slice of tomato, rotisserie chicken – nice and juicy, steamed broccoli with fresh lemon juice. Stay away from dairy – too phlegmy.
6. Rest.

Tips from a friend: Vicks vapor rub under your nose and on your feet. Cover feet with socks after and go to bed.

Good luck and hope you feel better in no time.


WT Hungry

4 Dec

Strong is sexy

I’m sorry but I can’t help myself right now.  I’ve never in my life watched the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show and tonight, for shits and giggles, I’ve decided to tune in online (to watch the pre show).  I’m all for a pretty face but I guess as I’ve gotten older, and gained respect for my body and have begun to treat it right, I am looking at this display of models and feeling sick.  At 5’9 (i’m assuming this is the shortest model on the runway tonight), these girls don’t look like they’ve eaten for weeks.  Not one of them, and I’m being honest, has any muscle tone in their arms or legs.  HOW IS THIS ATTRACTIVE?  As one of my guys friends recently put it – “I like meat on my women.  Bone on bone does not feel good”.  (i’m avoiding vulgarity here just to get the point across)

I’ve decided to write this blog as my boycott.  I’m not even planning on turning on the TV to watch the actual show.

While training for the Tough Mudder, I experienced something that I’d like to share with everyone out there that has talked about setting a new goal for themselves.  The mind is a powerful tool.  I believe you can do anything you set your mind to.   I was in decent shape when I started training for the TM.  But I was not a runner or a hiker or someone that liked to give my body unnecessary electrical shocks.  At the end of the day, I wanted to set a goal for myself to do something challenging.  Something that was beyond what I thought I was capable of.  I didn’t care how long it took me to do complete the course, I just wanted to make it to the end without damaging myself… and I did and it felt fucking amazing.  Was it hard?  Hell yes.  I was sore for days.  Had a stomachache for a week(don’t drink the muddy water) but as I crossed the finish line through the last obstacle (Electroshock Therapy is what they called it), I said “I can’t wait to do this again”.  I couldn’t have been more proud of myself and my team for trooping it out and kicking ass.  Should you do it?  My answer would be ABSOLUTELY!!!!  Set your mind to it, and Just Do It(Thanks Nike).  And if you need someone to do it with, call me.  I’d gladly do it again.

Why is it that we wait until December 31st when we’ve had too much to drink and too much food to eat during the holidays to set new goals for ourselves for the new year.  My friend recently started a Facebook group called ‘No New Years Resolutions Ever’.  I LOVE IT!!!!  I’m declaring every day the time to start making changes.  Be healthier, work out more, Be nicer to your spouse, quit smoking, stop cheating, have more sex – whatever it is you are doing (or not doing) that you are planning on stating to yourself or your closest friends when you’ve had too much to drink in a few weeks, SAVE IT. Wake up tomorrow and make the change.  Any day is a good day to be a better person, be healthier, be happier, work harder, spend more time with your family or make a commitment to something or someone you love.

As for the people that want to look like a VS model, I have a new hashtag for you….. #StrongIsTheNewSkinny.

I’m including this poll and ask you ALL to vote.  Occasionally I am wrong, so I’d love your feedback here.  Don’t be shy.


8 Sep

Philadelphia….. Wow. What a weekend. I will start off by saying how much I truly adored the city and the area we stayed in.  While I won’t judge Philly on the people (since I don’t want to insult a few nameless Philly friends)but based on what showed up at this music festival, I will say that a) I saw some of the ugliest, scariest looking people I’ve ever seen in my life(photos for your entertainment pleasure below), b) people in Philly Music Festivals have the WORSE sense of style EVER and c) I’m horrified that I have two girls and am strongly considering locking them in the house until they are 21. Food.  My favorite was Dandelions – a small, upscale British pub-type feel on 18th and Walnut.   If you ever end up there, please get the fries.  I saw them after I had already eaten and almost offered the table next to me $10 just to try one.  Big phat steak fries, well done with salt crystals and a side of malt vinegar.  Yummy.   Late night dining at Little Pete’s (open 24 hrs on 17th/Chancellor) wasn’t all it was cracked up to be but when you’re as hungry as we were at midnight, there aren’t many options.  Best part about Little Pete’s was the old school cigarette machine in the front entrance.

Music. I will sum up the two day festival of music by saying this:  Pearl Jam ROCKED the house(as usual) with a mix of their ‘best of’ and a few random songs here and there. Run DMC still has it (even without Jam Master Jay).  They gave us all of the old school jams like ‘It’s like that’, ‘Tricky’, ‘My Adidas’, ‘Mary Mary’, ‘Peter Piper’ and ‘Walk This Way’.  I truly felt like I was in High School again.  Jay Z, who I’ve never seen live before, was awesome and brought a few guys up on stage with him to keep it interesting.  I am now a big fan of Gary Clark Jr.  He’s got guitar riffs along the lines of Hendrix and a fantastic stage presence.  Also want to shout out to Jill Scott, Drake and Calvin Harris who mixed it up big time in the Freedom Tent, a.k.a. the Molly tent.  If you don’t know what this is, which my sorry old self didn’t, it’s the new name for Ex. (Scary) Given that the festival was called Made in America, it took me a few hours to figure out why so many people were decked in Red/White/Blue attire.  (I was extremely tired that first day and brain was not functioning all that well).  Speaking of tired, I was truly impressed with myself for being able to fall asleep in the midst of a raucous called MMG and I was very thankful for the VIP status I obtained from Gilt Group.

Here are some of the outfit highlights….. Enjoy.


Wax On, Wax Off

27 Jun

Finding your Vaginal Stylist is sort of like dating.  You may need to expose yourself to a FEW, before you find THE ONE.

The Backstory: About 10 years ago, I gave up my razor and was talked into trying out the world of waxing.  With no experience, I jumped right in to the hard core world of the Brazillian bitches known as The J Sisters.  It was Valentine’s day and I was feeling sexy and romantic with my then boyfriend of 3 months.  I thought as part of my gift (what do you really give a guy for Valentines day – other than good sex after only three months), I would take the plunge.  I ventured out of work a little early that evening and headed over.  The waiting room was overflowing with ladies all having similar plans for their vag’s that night.  The wait went on forever.  I tried to read the faces of the women exiting the rooms but mostly they were straight faced or suffering from shock as I would later learn.  Finally it was my turn.  I was sweating with fear.  My J Sister, whom I later learned was not really a sister but a cousins cousin of some sort, did not smile, did not make small talk and ushered me into a tiny room with a table.  I already felt betrayed.  In her thick accent she asked ‘vhat du you vhant? Ju Vhant me to tak it all ovf?’.  Having grown up in a house with a British mother, I have a good ear for understanding people’s thick accents so I simply replied ‘yes please’.

She told me to get up on the table and put both legs staight up in the air – jesus, good thing I work out.  She began her procedure of applying the hot wax.  Without any sort of warning, she affixed a strip of paper on top of the wax and ripped off what felt like the entire left side of my lower body.  Fuuuucccckkkkkk!!!!!  was the only thing I could manage to get out of my mouth.  At that moment, I sat up and told her I didn’t need the other side done and that my boyfriend would be happy either way.  She coaxed me into staying and having her finish the job.  She said she would be more gentle and didn’t realize I was of virgin status.  After feeling like I’d been torn to pieces, I left the building vaginally violated and robbed of $65.  A tip was out of the fucking question.

After a hot shower and lots of lotion,  I met my boyfriend for our romantic Valentines day dinner, unsure how any action would be taking place down there later that night.  Hot and Throbbing and not in a good way.  While waiting for our table, he presented me with the gift he had bought me for the occasion – awwhhh so sweet of him, I thought.  What do you know, a 10 pack of bikini waxes from the fucking J Sisters.  I almost fainted.  WTH!

My next experience was much more pleasant.  I discovered a woman named Natasha.  She was a gem.  Not only does she take her time and is very personable but she teaches you a breathing technique that makes the entire experience more palatable.   I spent years with her until she became geographically undesirable.  During her relocation, I also relocated to Long Island and felt the need to find a local establishment.  I tried my luck at a few places – high end (Estee Lauder), low end (some freaky Russian woman at the Wharf), nail salons with added services (they should stick to nails).  Bikini Waxing on Long Island was sadly not a skill many people had.  The search continued.

I was close to picking the razor back up and then it happened.  I hired girls in their 20’s that knew much more than I did.  Some genius had invented a thicker, herbal, organic wax that didn’t pull hair and skin off at the same time.  And so became my new vaginal discovery – UniK Wax.  Trust me, your V’jayjay will thank me.  (This in not a paid advertisement in any way – just sharing some WTHayley-Wisdom).


P.S.  Every time I look at the picture above, I crack up because it looks like little stick figures with weird heads and the bottom one – headless.