What The Hayley

22 Mar

Welcome to What The Hayley.  I was sitting in the bathroom at work just now and I decided that I need to start a blog.  Why?  Here are my reasons:

1) I have a lot to say and think people might want to hear it

2) I can be pretty funny sometimes

3) One of my new years resolutions for 2012 is ‘to get published’ and here I am (does this count?)

A little about me that you might want to know….
I am a Mother (of 2 gorgeous little girls).  Grew up on the South Shore of Long Island in a beach town with two older brothers – I think this is where I learned to be a cool chick.  I love anything outdoors – biking, hiking, water sports – but my biggest love in life is Skiing (in Utah).  I love my wine, dancing, partying, fun with friends, great food and amazing desserts(key to heart).  I’ve had my own business for 10 years and we’re still standing strong.  I love what I do and find it challenging every single day.  I’m grounded, have incredible family values and embrace all that life has to offer. (I might throw up on myself now)  Enough…. read my blog and you’ll learn more about me.

Before I forget, my funny story of the day is this….
As I mentioned, I was just in the bathroom – literally 3 minutes ago.  It’s an office bathroom shared by my 12 employees and the legal offices across the hall from us.  Every now and then, I’ll have to go so bad that I can’t be bothered to tear off a few strips of paper to line the seat so I’ll just sit.(i know, gross!!)  Within seconds, I’m usually regretting it when I think of the overweight (i’m being nice since this is my first post) guy across the hall that might have put his ass down moments before me.   Today, when I entered the bathroom my ‘I HAVE TO GO’ index was about a 4, leaving plenty of time to line the seat.  (Tangent: Why the FUCK can’t men put the damn seat down.  Thankful that we only have three in the office but I believe that not one of them ever considers it.  I promise to focus on this in a future blog and even conduct interviews from my small sampling of the male species in my office to find out why).  Back to the point…  So as I was lining the seat, I noticed that in front of the bowl was a small puddle of what I have to assume was someone’s ‘MISS’, leading me to ponder how this happens.  Either your stomach is so fat that you can’t see over it, your penis is so small that you have trouble aiming it or you just don’t give a fuck if you hit or miss.  WTH!

6 Responses to “What The Hayley”

  1. Frani March 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm #

    My vote is that his penis is too small….he probably pissed on his balls hence the reason it’s on the floor.

  2. B March 22, 2012 at 4:49 pm #

    You are the best! Classic shit H. Love ya.

  3. Craig Grayson March 22, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    Maybe one of the gals tried peeing standing up… penis envy, ya know 😉

  4. Izzy March 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm #

    Hayley: What you are witnessing, (and this won’t make you feel any better about using your bathroom), is most likely the “collective splatter” of multiple male parties using the commode. The stream begins to lose pressure in the last few seconds of urination (note: this phenomenon can happen in the first few seconds with weak pressure). As men typically aren’t positioned exactly over the bowl while standing, (and there is no way we are sitting for this event like Larry David), but usually a few inches away, this dribble can easily find its way to the floor. Couple this with the fact that most men don’t care enough prevent this dribble, you encounter what has driven you to start a blog.

    Sorry if this sounds a bit tough. Also, please remind me never to borrow your laptop, ipad or smartphone as you use it while in the bathroom. 🙂 LOL

  5. melissa March 22, 2012 at 8:45 pm #

    I think it’s sweat dripping off the hairy belly of the guy across the hall as he hovers and tries to make aim. (Time to lobby for women-only stall if you ask me).

  6. Jimmy Charmatz March 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm #

    I hope the guy across the hall doesn’t read your blog. 🙂

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